Friday, May 28, 2010

Parenting by surprise

Yesterday was a curriculum day at Jake's school so he, Ella and I had a lazy day at home.
We watched a little TV, baked a cake, played games and went to the park.
A lovely day.

At the park was another little boy from Jake's school and a couple of other boys I didn't know. They made a game of playing 'run away from Jake' while Jake desperately tried catching up to them to join in with their play.

I watched on ... helpless. Unable to make it better for my sweet little boy.
I wanted to take those nasty kids and give them a shake and yell "Why are you so fucking mean?" but all I could do was wait for Jake to return, tearful, put my arm around him, tell him I loved him and that he didn't need those mean kids anyway!!

His response to this took me by surprise. He was angry with me for calling those other boys 'mean'.
He said that it wasn't their fault as they were only responding to the decree of "thou shalt not play with Jake" made by another even nastier bully child at school.
Jake wanted to give them another chance to be friends and didn't appreciate my calling them names.

My sweet, kind, surprising child.

Later in the afternoon, Jake completely destroyed me in a game of Monopoly and then gently took my face in his hands and said "Don't worry Mummy, next time we play Monopoly, I'll play easier on you".

Love.

21 comments:

Luv a Duck! (afka Partito y Monito) said...

Poor Jake. I know kids will be kids, but some kids are HIDEOUS. So hideous, I'd like to grab them by the ear and give them a bloody good telling off (or a swift kick in the arse)

All we can hope is that we can instill some sense of empathy and kindness into our kids. It sounds like you're doing a lovely job of that, Andi.

One Flew Over said...

Oh Andi. I fear that these are the sorts of things I will be facing when Alfie gets to school.

Dreading it.

Hope you and Jake are ok x

Kate said...

Oh Andi, this story breaks my heart. I wouldn't want to go back to school for all the money (and vintage sheets) in the whole world. In times like these, bren always tells me that its harder on the Mother than the child. I hope you are doing ok. Shabbat shalom and lotsa love. XX

Wendy said...

What a lovely boy you have. Brings a tear to my eye. He will grow up to be a great man you should be so proud.

Kelly said...

It sucks that bullying and leaving out is still so 'normal' at school, both my older girls have been at the receiving end of the leaving out. Jake sounds like a beautiful child, not many would respond in such a kind way. :)

noolygirl said...

wow, andi, that is one special kid you got there... its these things that make it all worthwhile. here's hoping some serious karma lands on the bully's head... xoxo

Katie said...

:( So sad...has got to be one of THE hardest parts to parenting. Love his attitude though...you're doing something right!! :)

Erin said...

Oh your beautiful boy, Andi!
Its torture to watch these things unfold- you want to protect them from it all and yet the reality is you are so helpless at times.
Clearly your strong unconditional love and kindness has come through loud and clear- with Jakes response.
I am also finding the return to the primary school playgound complicated and hard to watch my girl as she grows- it is also tinged with my own memories and it can really bring the hard times back!

rachelmp said...

Kids are mean sometimes grr. When I picked up my son on Thursday from school he said "bye girls name" and she said "bye stupid". I told her it was enough, but my son didn't even care. Being a mum is tricky.

beccasauras said...

Aww, sweet! Jake, I eman, not the bullies! Mine rushed up to me crying yesterday when I got to aftercare, saying she had a big fight with her friend, her first one! And they were fighting over spending one on one time with another friend! How complicated life is for them, I guess. But he'll remember his game of monopoly with you best!

Gina said...

Well with Jake's responses it's pretty clear that you are doing well building his self-esteem, which is going to be the best tool he has to face these things. Just keep focussing on that Mama - you're doing such a good job. He'll grow up to be a strong and compassionate man I'm sure.

(And yes, those other kids are jerks. May they all grow up to work at Maccas).

Posie Patchwork said...

Oh bless his sweet forgiving heart. All you can do it love them & ensure they come from a background of happiness & security. Brats & bullies, well when you meet the parents, it often explains itself why their children are the way they are. Life lessons are sucky, seems that your Jake knows it's their loss if people run away from him. You can't cramp his style, he seems to want to work it out on his own. Good luck & stay strong mummy, love Posie

a very fine house said...

Jake is the best one of them all, he will be fine and understand things and situations that are older than his years that those children may never know . My daughter went through similar trials and now her success astounds me. Don't worry, good parents are the key I believe.

Adele said...

Your sweet, kind and suprising child has more strength of character than those little s#%@heads.... you did very well not to chase them down the street!

Katie B. said...

Oh, this breaks my heart! But it sounds like you have a very sweet boy.

Leslie said...

kids are so mean....and as i type this i am hearing my kids being rotten on the playground. sounds like your little boy is sweet and has a heart of gold.

Christie said...

What a beautiful boy you have Andi.

It's so hard to watch your kids get hurt by others, those kids would be lucky to have a friend like Jake.

Frogdancer said...

I hope that if those kids don't stop playing the game, that he'll be able to back away from them and make new friends. It's so hard when you see kids learning how to negotiate the jungle that is a playground.

(Just wait till Facebook becomes an issue....! That's the arena that causes us at high school grief....)
Jake sounds like he's got a good sense of self, which is so very important. Well done Andi.
(Plus, I must come back to Perle 8. That night is such a busy night for me but I'm still intending to see you all again there.)

sophie said...

That sucks, I am so sorry. I hate those games and the helplessness feeling is a killer. Sounds like Jake has enough resolve to deal with it - hope you're ok.

Tania said...

I'm finally having a chance to catch up around the traps and this post has raised the blood pressure. But everything Gina (and most everybody says) I hear! hear! May they all grow up to work at Maccas, indeed. And may your Jake continue to grow into a resilient, clever, forgiving, good at Monopoly adult who does his Mum proud!

(Even when destroying you at board games).

Jo (sparkly green knickers) said...

It's hard to sit back and watch little bastards like that, isn't it! But at least Jake is coming home to a supportive loving family. Who knows what the others kids go home to...